For the last twelve days, I have felt an enormous feminine pull, however the feelings were internal, and not focused/worried about on my exterior feminine wiles. Example: it's as if my brain is playing some video game where you get to play the true you, and you get to watch yourself on screen. My poor male image of myself has been supplanted by a feminine one.
Any thoughts?
Yep. This certainly sounds like the way I feel "this time around".
ReplyDeleteMy conscious self is now totally female, with not a single doubt in me, and it makes my world view so utterly different. I respond to that world as I really am, not as I was pretending to be.
So in a way I can see the similarities with a PC RPG. Oddly enough, in those I've played in the past, I've always done best when I chose a character type, skill set and avatar that matched my true female self.
luv
chrissie
xxx
Yes and no :-) I don't feel a split of female vs male behaviour - but maybe that's just me. :-) I have my own feelings and while the outward facing packaging may change, the inner stuff seems fixed.
ReplyDeleteThanks gals...my heart feels like its on a yo-yo these days...
ReplyDeletexxoo
Cassidy.
ReplyDeleteI know what you mean.
In my last major GD "phase", that yo-yo was always there. That phase ended when, for one reason or another, the string snapped on the "male" bounce and I tried to live as a male for 20 years.
This time the yo-yo feeling came back at the start of this new, much more powerful, GD phase. Then, after putting me through a lot of pain, the string snapped and it finally flipped into "totally female" about six weeks ago.
That's when I stopped pretending that there could be any going back, or even a half-way house, this time. It was also the first time I really knew that I was looking at the world through female eyes.
With that "flip" came a wonderful feeling of internal peace, and the knowledge that I was going to fully transition.
So the yo-yo is gone now, if that makes sense.
chrissie
xxx
OMG yes it makes sense...it's nice knowing other people know how you feel
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