Crossdressing resolutions for 2010

Buy more clothes.

So simple an air-head like me can manage. Seriously, like I forgot about me wee blog for like ages...cue hippie music and sounds of sitars...and damn if it's been ages since I've like written anything, which is scary for a someone who has mild graphomania (must produce writing. now.) My wife and I have become comfortable with my girly self. She doesn't like seeing me in girl garb, but tolerates my interest in her fashion magazines, clothing sales, etc. For her sake I try not to be overly fab. My sweetie is slow to boil, so I know everything will be kosher the longer she is comfortable with me being...well...a woman.

One thing I've noticed is my language for describing how I view myself has evolved. Years ago I was just a crossdresser, a weekend drag queen. Now I'm trans, or even transsexual.

My shrink recommended I try low estrogen to see how I reacted to it. And as expected my family's history of hypertension limited the experiment. Now I have to decide do I transition?

My love does not wish for me to transition, btw. Which is a big bummer.

Other than this dilemma of luxury our family is healthy, happy, and had a wonderful holiday season. For the most part our gifts came from second hand stores and artisan tables. My love gave me a pair of sterling silver screwback clip ons. Airy and wonderful. I like sparkle.

So back to my resolutions:

Be happy with my bad self.
Continue to foster the hearth. The family.
Nurture my heart.
Read more.
Learn to channel my girly energy into boy mode.
Decide whether to transition or not

I need advice

I have ordered my first batch of hormones, low dosage, for experimental reasons. Shrink approved.

Want to see how it affects my emotional center.

For all you transitioning peeps:

I think I have to do it...it's like a crawling vine over my brain. All I can think about. Not always positive. I feel like it will consume me.

Why is self acceptance so hard? I feel like my Neurotransmitters are fucking with my heads

Relate?

Just need some feedback

China Beach

What happened Netflix? ABC? Re-release this great show on DVD!

Trauma: Masquerade

My therapist told me to check this episode of Trauma out, as it was GLBT themed. Lots of drag queens and trans folk, as well as a powerful message of acceptance. It was well done, and I enjoyed it, despite the fact I don't like the show or the genre much.

A fabulous Crossdressing read

The Late Mr. Shakespeare is all about Shakespeare.

It also happens to be about crossdressing and a major theme is gender blurring.

The narrator, Pickleherring, once played all the female roles in Shakespeare's plays, and in his late years is writing a biography of his former master. In it is a lot of interesting stuff about Shakespeare, real or imagined, and a great deal about sexuality, wearing stockings, pretending to be a woman, and men and women pretending to be the opposite sex during sex, etc.

Now it isn't pornography, by the writer has a pornographer's heart. He suggests that Mr. Shakespeare's powers originated in the heart of a gender bending relationship he had with his dark mistress.

If you don't like Shakespeare, skim around. The major crossdressing chapters are easy to pick out, but there is plenty scattered throughout.

For internet geeks and time wasters

Tumblr is a cool blog site that took me a while to learn to maneuver. Like FB or other social networks, or Blogger, even, you follow others. Their posts show up in your dashboard. However Tumblr is very visual, unlike text heavy blog.

The more people you follow, the more cool stuff you re-blog...

Amazing photographs...

You can follow me here


Mostly fashion, shoes, pretty pictures, etc.

Dear me, in the closet again?

For me crossdressing has always been a dark pull, like a gravity, or wet jeans that suck and tease me down, down, down. I don't mean to paint it darkly, but darkly it often feels, for because I am a secondary, or latent transperson, it is cognitively difficult at times to strip away hiding and lying patterns of defenses that I have employed over the years.

When I came out to my spouse, it was one of the most awful psychic rippings I've taken in my 35+ years on the planet. And for the better part of a year I have not had those darkly thoughts, those defensive maneuverings.

It's like I'm out of the closet, but I'm in a bigger closet.

Me spouse is right to hold me fast to being secret in the big woody south. Still, sometimes I feel like she doesn't want me to express my true self at all, unless we're shopping.

It's bizarre. I'm getting mixed signals.

I feel like a child whose mother is disapproving of the friends I have chosen.

Only my friends live in my heart and head and want to come over more often.

Sigh.

What's a gal to do?

The above pic is Candy Darling, pure genius.