Sunday, January 24, 2010

mind is restless

I'm still awakening my female voice. For what ever reason it is still repressed and I'm taking measures to break out of my shell so to speak.

In my creative life I'm writing almost exclusively about transgendered characters, although I maintain the stories are mostly about characters who happen to be transgendered, etc, et all

Currently sketching a novella/novel about a post apocalyptic world where one the survivors is post-op (perhaps I'll change it to pre-op) transsexual trying to survive in a The Road type/road warrior/zombie apocalypse etc. world.

One of the angles I'm taking is that the other survivors don't value the MTF's worth as a person because she is sterile. This makes her an outcast. Obviously she is awesome and overcomes this kind of prejudice, but I think it gets to the heart of transphobia....we are hated because we are not one but two, and if we follow the transition to its natural medical conclusion, we are sterile.

Anyhoo...what I'm up to.

I'm reading you all. even if I don't post.

Saturday, January 2, 2010

Crossdressing resolutions for 2010

Buy more clothes.

So simple an air-head like me can manage. Seriously, like I forgot about me wee blog for like ages...cue hippie music and sounds of sitars...and damn if it's been ages since I've like written anything, which is scary for a someone who has mild graphomania (must produce writing. now.) My wife and I have become comfortable with my girly self. She doesn't like seeing me in girl garb, but tolerates my interest in her fashion magazines, clothing sales, etc. For her sake I try not to be overly fab. My sweetie is slow to boil, so I know everything will be kosher the longer she is comfortable with me being...well...a woman.

One thing I've noticed is my language for describing how I view myself has evolved. Years ago I was just a crossdresser, a weekend drag queen. Now I'm trans, or even transsexual.

My shrink recommended I try low estrogen to see how I reacted to it. And as expected my family's history of hypertension limited the experiment. Now I have to decide do I transition?

My love does not wish for me to transition, btw. Which is a big bummer.

Other than this dilemma of luxury our family is healthy, happy, and had a wonderful holiday season. For the most part our gifts came from second hand stores and artisan tables. My love gave me a pair of sterling silver screwback clip ons. Airy and wonderful. I like sparkle.

So back to my resolutions:

Be happy with my bad self.
Continue to foster the hearth. The family.
Nurture my heart.
Read more.
Learn to channel my girly energy into boy mode.
Decide whether to transition or not