Woah, haven't blogged here in a while...a poem for you

Been ages. Schools in session again and the world keeps on spinning...
I have missed you blogosphere
and blow kisses at my followers...

went to the gym today and again
fell in love with the woman who works the front desk.
You know ladies, the kind of woman who can make a t-shirt look glamorous. I wish I had a picture
so you could share my enthusiasm...alas, words will have to do...

to be her for an hour!


The crossdresser has a crush. For L who works at the gym.

45, 46, eyeliner crushed blue and ribbon silver
face cut by age, sharp as a A-line skirt
and as glowing as Venus' curves. She greets
and smiles
and knows not
of my trimmed legs
my lust to be in a body like hers:
tall, curvy, thick, hips that could crush mountains,
breasts to nurse the worst of us,
heart to love the best.

I work out,
and catch glances
of her, as if machines and cardio could imprint
her shape onto my lean coffin frame.

What she would think of me I dare not seek
for I know she is good and straight as she watches her desk,
manages accounts,
and would feel queer
and slighted
at my feminine wiles.

News From the Front

My secret hands
and my secret desires
can fill a theater
and entertain all the young whores
dressed for a fuck.

My heels make a click,
click.

Oh, comely nights.
in my head
about how to walk,
talk
and I don't mean
there's many causalities

I mean there's no end to the causalities.

Like Batman and the Joker,
the tedious madness
of two minds
that inhabit the same body,

the city,

fat as my psychiatric file.

There is no winner, and no
bomb, nor
truce,
a countless counting
of coups,

a shredded nightgown,
a worn dress,
scrubbed skin
of those who hands mark secret work.


Let's be honest:
I'd love to burn down
like the skirt on the floosie
in the back of the club,

how it turns to ash as she dances
to the music.
By the end of her night

the whore
will wear nothing but a slur and a smile,
her high heels snapped
from all the broken hearts she's tramping.

Tumblr Addict, nutso in boy mode

So, I've become a Tumblr addict. So easy, so fun, so simple. You think Facebook is addicting....Tumblr is pic oriented. Very Trans friendly, I've found, as well as GLBT friendly. Do try it for a diversion. I spend time reblogging pretty items. Think of it as a way to save pictures, links, etc that you gush over, without the hassle of other social networking sites.

Do you any of you other gurls out there find that your gender dysphoria vacillates between 0 and 100? I find I can go from 0 to 100 in seconds. Other days I hover at 70, sometimes at 55. Whew! Makes a girl's head spin.

Have I mentioned I haven't dressed in two weeks and that an adored family member is divorcing? Well...I have been cleaning house in Upstate New York for the last fifteen days with my spouse, who rocketh, and sat front seat for divorce drama craziness.

For a long time, I felt like I wasn't the craziest bitch in the house. Mind you, denied of any transgender expression for such a time...I began to impose my own non binary gender zest to life and cooked, cleaned, repaired the house, the car, helped with the laundry and encouraged the women of the family to live! Yes it was a fucking Lifetime movie...in my own mind...though I must say the women around me loved my help and support and my attention to their clothing, jewelry, interests....(geez sometimes I wonder is transgenderism is extreme heterosexuality on steroids....)only if I had been dressed as a housewife, or hippie girl, but alas, I wasn't. Otherwise it was an above average week with the fam....

My wife and I did go shopping at her fav place to shop and I came away with two dresses, three tops, two camisoles, one Victorian wanna be blouse, and accessories. Unlike past shopping experiences she showed distaste for my trans identity, though it wasn't discussed. I could tell by her eye rolls and smirks....like she was thinking "Won't this go away?"

To the best of our knowledge: Transgender identity

While working out this afternoon, I listened to a new audiobook download, To the best of our knowledge: Transgendered Identity... more like a download of a radio show from Public Radio International. You can read about it here.

One of the featured interviews was with Throbbing Gristle/Psychic TV front (wo)man and pangender artist Genesis P-Orridge who is basically turning his body into a rebellion against DNA. He prefers the pronoun (s)he, had his breasts implanted and modeled after his wife's breasts (they had breast augmentation surgery on the same day (sigh...how romantic) and each underwent cosmetic surgery to appear alike)and argues that our bodies are machines and should be fitted in any way shape or form we feel is appropriate.

How would scales and experiments in skin types be adaptable to space travel, living in harsh conditions, etc. Utterly fascinating.

So when I got home I looked Genesis up and found many images that chronicle her stages of androgyny/hermaphroditic transition, as you can see above. Absolutely inspired.

Segment one was excellent, as well, a ftm and his feminist critic/professor mother about his sex change. Wonderful to hear from a feminist perspective.

Will report on segment three tomorrow.