Oscar Blah

My back has been barkin' all week. You know what that means? Grumpy Momdy. All the tea and beer in the south could lighten my demeanor. However reading all of my mister-sisters/and signified others who roll around in trans like it was fur have kept my spirits up.

Am trying to get on with my literary career (was nominated for a Pushcart Prize in Poetry this year, which is like Rob Redford saying, "Come on to Sundance!")

I'm rambling. Back pills. Red wine.

The Oscars have not impressed. The nominated films do. I think the scrim upon the awards shows is tattered. Do we want to watch blank, vacant celebs spend thousands, and as an industry, millions?

I'm trying to be a thrifty T-girl and buy used, or close-out.

I 'd like to get some pants/jeans/slacks but I'm afraid my skinny male behind will thwart me. Any suggestions?

Oh, for SFCDGF...Cassidy Bryn is a viscerally more light name than my homme name, than my feminized homme name...stephanie (which I don't hate...it's just like why bother sticking with something so mundane when living something that is much more?). Cassidy evokes my prankster mood, my penchant for pretty names (it rolls, it lingers in the mouth, the double ss make it sexy) Bryn is my fav Celtic femme name, and though my heritage isn't worn on my sleeve, it is given its place.)

Trying to make sense of what we know we cannot

TRANSLATION: DRESSING

When ruffled panties cut with satin slide over skin
The third eye opens and the heart is flush.

Muscle movements tighten like a schoolgirl crush
Skin responds
like exposed nerves in a tooth you forgot
while eating ice cream once,
it hurts but
in a good way, like sunshine and sunburn.

Then sucking backwards into the gravity of the clothes,
The gravity of the heels, which like an anchor
Lock the hips.

Sometimes it is as if the tide had knocked you on your knees
and ripped you out,
the beach deep
behind you
The stars
out and bright
as a lung spark

Sometimes you can make it back, sometimes
You’re adrift for days.

Dear God, can one live for so many years without stepping over the edge?