snow musings: Gender Conference at Murfeesburo Community College, sexual orientation questioning, and latex fetish wear, oh my!

Sounds sexier than it is. The Murfeesburo Community College Conference on Gender is merely a weekend party of second tier professors expounding bullshit about gender, gender roles, and gender equality. Blah. As far as I know I'm the only crossdressing trans person in attendance. There's not even a gay club for me to go bar hopping en femme to.

What's a girl to do? Sorry I haven't been active lately, just too many strings pulling on this old guitar.

I'm a bit out of tune.

However, currently rocking fashion tights and Massimo wine sweater dress (perfect for the damp cold) and plenty of cute fashion accessories. Follow me on tumblr for fashion fun pics and trans talk, when it comes up for reblogging.

Tumblr if you don't know, is the easiest way to blog. For me it's more a repository for interesting images.

Personally, since I am off hormones (wasn't on them for long, dammit) I have been exploring a variety of feelings. I found myself quite close (as in spatially) to a close male friend, and I could not help but to fantasize about kissing him. It turned my heart on, no pun intended, rather than my loins. Quite strange, and since has spurred me to force myself to look at men. Just to see.

What harm could that do, right?

And so far I keep finding myself looking at the women. Still, a blip on the consciousness radar that one should pay attention to.

But the wife and are great. I'm not looking to hook up, just see how attracted I am to men...if truly at all.

Side note: anyone tried latex? On tumblr I follow a crossdresser who designs latex and I must admit it looks like a fun way to dress your smooth skin. Dish the details, ladies

mind is restless

I'm still awakening my female voice. For what ever reason it is still repressed and I'm taking measures to break out of my shell so to speak.

In my creative life I'm writing almost exclusively about transgendered characters, although I maintain the stories are mostly about characters who happen to be transgendered, etc, et all

Currently sketching a novella/novel about a post apocalyptic world where one the survivors is post-op (perhaps I'll change it to pre-op) transsexual trying to survive in a The Road type/road warrior/zombie apocalypse etc. world.

One of the angles I'm taking is that the other survivors don't value the MTF's worth as a person because she is sterile. This makes her an outcast. Obviously she is awesome and overcomes this kind of prejudice, but I think it gets to the heart of transphobia....we are hated because we are not one but two, and if we follow the transition to its natural medical conclusion, we are sterile.

Anyhoo...what I'm up to.

I'm reading you all. even if I don't post.

Crossdressing resolutions for 2010

Buy more clothes.

So simple an air-head like me can manage. Seriously, like I forgot about me wee blog for like ages...cue hippie music and sounds of sitars...and damn if it's been ages since I've like written anything, which is scary for a someone who has mild graphomania (must produce writing. now.) My wife and I have become comfortable with my girly self. She doesn't like seeing me in girl garb, but tolerates my interest in her fashion magazines, clothing sales, etc. For her sake I try not to be overly fab. My sweetie is slow to boil, so I know everything will be kosher the longer she is comfortable with me being...well...a woman.

One thing I've noticed is my language for describing how I view myself has evolved. Years ago I was just a crossdresser, a weekend drag queen. Now I'm trans, or even transsexual.

My shrink recommended I try low estrogen to see how I reacted to it. And as expected my family's history of hypertension limited the experiment. Now I have to decide do I transition?

My love does not wish for me to transition, btw. Which is a big bummer.

Other than this dilemma of luxury our family is healthy, happy, and had a wonderful holiday season. For the most part our gifts came from second hand stores and artisan tables. My love gave me a pair of sterling silver screwback clip ons. Airy and wonderful. I like sparkle.

So back to my resolutions:

Be happy with my bad self.
Continue to foster the hearth. The family.
Nurture my heart.
Read more.
Learn to channel my girly energy into boy mode.
Decide whether to transition or not

I need advice

I have ordered my first batch of hormones, low dosage, for experimental reasons. Shrink approved.

Want to see how it affects my emotional center.

For all you transitioning peeps:

I think I have to do it...it's like a crawling vine over my brain. All I can think about. Not always positive. I feel like it will consume me.

Why is self acceptance so hard? I feel like my Neurotransmitters are fucking with my heads

Relate?

Just need some feedback

China Beach

What happened Netflix? ABC? Re-release this great show on DVD!

Trauma: Masquerade

My therapist told me to check this episode of Trauma out, as it was GLBT themed. Lots of drag queens and trans folk, as well as a powerful message of acceptance. It was well done, and I enjoyed it, despite the fact I don't like the show or the genre much.

A fabulous Crossdressing read

The Late Mr. Shakespeare is all about Shakespeare.

It also happens to be about crossdressing and a major theme is gender blurring.

The narrator, Pickleherring, once played all the female roles in Shakespeare's plays, and in his late years is writing a biography of his former master. In it is a lot of interesting stuff about Shakespeare, real or imagined, and a great deal about sexuality, wearing stockings, pretending to be a woman, and men and women pretending to be the opposite sex during sex, etc.

Now it isn't pornography, by the writer has a pornographer's heart. He suggests that Mr. Shakespeare's powers originated in the heart of a gender bending relationship he had with his dark mistress.

If you don't like Shakespeare, skim around. The major crossdressing chapters are easy to pick out, but there is plenty scattered throughout.