Friday, March 27, 2009

Whew...domestic bliss

Thank god.

This week has been like a whip snap mop attack, my nerves stretched thin, my exhaustion complete. Thanks work. Thanks job, I couldn't have done it without you...

Plus, I haven't femulated in sooo long.

(in my mind I'm tapping my fingernails, red, long, self-manicured, along the kitchen counter)

Until tonight.

Interesting behavorial observation:

During the last twelve days (I get to go all out one night a week, and my general, subtle feminine ways are allowable during the rest of the week. Putting it that way sounds bad, but what it really amounts to is baby steps. My wife is allowing this to grow, but prefers an organic, slower process--I'm down. I prefer it quick and fast) perhaps out of conditioning, perhaps from my heart, I have found myself mentally skipping from male dominated energies to female dominated energies at an hourly pace. Most of my life the female urges have been dominated by waves, to borrow the metaphor from Petra but now I find my energies switching more frequently.

It's nice. I will monitor. I will report, report, report.

But I finding myself alone for an extra two hours this afternoon and gasp...went outside to take the trash to the bin, in 5 inch heels, boi jeans and a gyrl tee, allowing my feminine steps to enlarge at the hips and shorten at the knee. It feels natural that way, and cautious too, for I am not gliding in 5 inch heels, 3 yes, in 5 I'm more than competent, but my grace fades at times from lack of experience.

And I have begun the evening with casual attire. Sandals, jeans, cheap Big Lots blouse (bland but serviceable in a variety of outfits), and a 70s orange headband

And after a break a black pencil skirt, pink blouse, hose.

And after and after and after....


  1. You look really great in those heels.
    I would like to know more of your story.
    When you realized you had a girlie girl inside of you and in a perfect world: would you go full-time or do you enjoy the duality? Tell me more. I'm always listening...

  2. As promised a reply...

    I realized I had a girlie girl inside of me at a young age...perhaps as early as 3 or 4, for I remember staring up at my mother and wanting to see the world from her POV, her eyes, I remember thining. Perhaps that is a gender wish, or perhaps just imagination, I'm not sure.

    I started dressing in puberty, negligee, bras, hose, lots of hose, shoes, costume jewelery. No make up other than lipstick.

    And at night I'd pray that God or the devil would turn me into a woman...really, the God or the devil. I figured it be easier.

    Except I didn't go goo goo over boys. I seduced them in my mother's clothes and enjoyed it, but I never fell in love with a boy. And later as I aged I didn't fall in love with any of my other male lovers...I had GFs too

    Then I realized...I just like women. Love them. So much I want to be them

    And then a long dark fumbling with purging and acquiring, purging and acquiring, erotica, self hate, self restriction with only occasional bursts of positive cross gender experiences: painting in "drag", adopting a name (which I long since dropped--an oh too common variant of my first name...for a while I was simply a letter. I like that. A letter. I digress) acting in drag, quiet moments in heels and with many cigarettes. Oh and champagne. I dither on...more to come. Keep asking questions