Thursday, February 26, 2009

Gender Assignment: Spoon, Knife, Fork

Interesting day.

Before my Intro to Psych class one of my students came to me distraught for she had come out to her mother, and was kicked out of the house.

Her mother took her cell phone and car keys (as if that’s going to make her straight) and basically told her all the cliché horrible things conservative religious parents say to gay children (am I being stereotypical? Shame on me!) The girl is just a freshman in college, and maintains a high GPA, avoids booze, drugs, and according to her even sex. Her mother implied she'd rather her daughter be knocked up than gay.

What? WTF

She slept in the car.

Though we are south of the Mason Dixon Line, it was cold last night—26 with an evil wind blowing.

The girl is tough and will pull through; still my heart went out to her.

Later in class we discussed gender—which always leads to discussions on sexuality. I used the classic Spoon, Fork, Knife exercise where students must assign a gender to each utensil.

Spoon (at least every time I’ve done the exercise) was female.

The Knife, male.

The Fork, well, the fork was TG today.

Sometimes the knife has been TG.

Note: TG isn’t an option I give them; it’s always assigned by the students in the seminar.

How would you assign them?


  1. TG is definitely a fork.
    I feel for your lesbian student.
    Yesterday I went to the pharmacy to pick up a prescription. My mother was counting pills just behind the lady who was waiting on me. I had to tell the woman my name and birth date. We pretended not to notice one another-no eye contact at all. We are astranged for very different reasons but sex plays its part in it however strangely. While I don't have a mother's love to speak of, I have great friends who love and support me most of whom know that emptiness of not being accepted by their mothers and when I read this, I realized that maybe that's why we love and support each other. Sometimes in the absence of one, we find another. Your student might have went cold for a night so that later, another person will be sheltered because she will reach out to them when remembering this situation with her mother. I know I do. I mother so many strays and I am mothered by so many strays almost equally. Somebody has to be the asshole. My ex husband was always fond of saying that and it's true. A bad experience will often lead to a lot of good.
    Tell her that the Universe is clearing the dinner table but hold on to the fork: the best is yet to come.

  2. Hi Cassidy...this isn't a response to this particular blog. I'm just acknowledging your comment over at my blog and you deciding to follow it. As I mentioned in my last blog here, I'm following everyone I add anonymously. Do you have a presence or profile anywhere else? Yahoo 360, MySpace, Flickr? Reason I ask is I can't say I'll be using this Blogger site in the future. I like to write, read, and post comments so one would assume this Blogspot would suit me well. Unfortunately, I find this place rather sterile and it doesn't really work for me. If you are the least bit curious about me you'd be better off checking my profile at which I've maintained for several years

    Or take a glance at my pix at

    Quite a few of the T-girls using this site started out at 360 yahoo first which had a thriving and active community. It still does have activity...and I might add...more traffic and contact with the real world than Blogspot. But some of the TGs using 360 decided it no longer met their needs and some moved here as an alternative. And some moved elsewhere...but quite a few stayed on. I suggest you check out some other sites to develop or crosspost your blogs at. In the meantime, I'll be following your blog and I regularly leave thoughtful comments. See ya around.

  3. To disown your child because of who they are is, I think, very poor. Like most parents - I love my kids - and yeah, sure, they can do stuff that drives you batsh** crazy, but you love them all the same.

    I think one of the positive things about being TG is that it can (but not 'will') make you more tolerant of other people who are... atypical.

    I hope things pick up for your student. Maybe a close friend will step in and help. It must be tough as a tutor sometimes.