Thursday, February 12, 2009

My Story

I suppose I have to tell my story 'cause that's important. Trans people all have one and if you have found my virtual porch in a search for yourself, well, stay a while. I'll make some tea.

We can share a smoke and smell the manure as it lifts over the fields and into my yard like a ghost.

I live in the rural south. All my life I knew I was different, but not necessarily trans. Being tall and healthy I looked masculine but felt like a phony around my peers. Hell, I still feel phony around my peers.

Around the age of 11 it was mother's high heels, satin slips, and make-up. Lipstick, rings, lots of fantasy space reserved for wishing I was a girl.

I used to pray that I'd wake up a girl. Everything would be so much easier.

Now as you can imagine this led me to think I was gay.

And I had my share...and it was fun. But I could not, cannot relate to men emotionally, and therefore could never fall in love with a man.

But women. Ah...

Not only did I want them, I wanted to be like them.

In high school I could stare through a girl's jeans and tell, just know, what kind of panties they were sportin'. I knew because sometimes I'd wear them too!

Now it came and went. I like the way Petra says it on her blog, like a tide, like an ocean.

Because I live in a small town in the middle of nowhere, I have to go far and wide for fashion. Still its an adventure.

I'm in therapy and I am not seeking SRS. I'm happily married and one night a week get to be myself.

For some of you that's a lot, or a little.

So far I can deal.

Though, good God do I think about it a lot.

That's enough. More to come. Plus pics of my new pumps!


  1. You get some 'you time' which is a good thing. I think it's only normal to want more. It's what gets us off our collective backsides and want to do things :)

    Re: the teenage years... When a friend complained her feet hurt after a night in heels - I had to keep my mouth shut. :-D

  2. You write beautifully-really there with you; following every word. I'm south too. Maybe you're around the corner. We can all have lunch. LOL

  3. Thanks Lynn! And you too CG...that would be fun to meet for drinks...I'm in the southern mid-atlantic area